What Could Have Been
by anewsgirl
Summary: Memories and dreams of lost love keep haunting Zero. Meanwhile Yuki cannot forget her former best friend either. Reviews welcome!
1. Zero

_He could not believe his eyes. Before him was the girl he had lived with and loved for four years. She showed no signs of being anything beyond the Yuki he had known. Her eyes were a brown shade similar to her short hair. The clothes she donned were the ones from the night he had helped her prepare for exams._

_"Zero," she said, her voice full of longing. He walked towards her, unaware of his surroundings. His desires for her were more intense than he had ever known._

_"Yuki," he called, unable to hide his emotions. His walk became a run. He was running towards her, Yuki, the light of hope in his descent into darkness. She had been his reason for living once he could no longer suppress the vampire he had become._

_The loss of his clan, of his parents, his brother and even his humanity had been enough to make him consider the darkest of choices. Despite being the victim of of his thirst, she had been the one to tame the coward within him. She had kept him from running away and giving-up; she had even allowed him to drink her blood. In return he had given her the only things he had left to offer, his loyalty, devotion, friendship, and even his love._

_Yet, he had discovered that his savior was a fraud. She too was a vampire, a pureblood of the Kuran line. Everything about her he had known was a lie. Her vampire self was beautiful, aristocratic, vain and arrogant. A beast, who took her own brother as a lover. Everything about vampires that repulsed him and his fellow hunters._

_He was a hunter first and foremost. No matter how his transformation had changed him, he was still the last of the Kiryu clan, a proud group of hunters. Even if he lived centuries, he would remember who he was, who he had been. He was Kiryu Zero, vampire hunter._

_At the same time he was a level D vampire. A former human that was forever separated from humanity. He would age more slowly than the humans around him; he would outlive them. He was still mortal and would eventually die, but time did not affect him the way it once had. He would have centuries, perhaps millenia, to consider his actions, to be tortured by them._

_Ignoring the inner confusion of his mind, he looked before him once more. There was only one he had loved. Yuki, the girl he had known._

_"Zero, what's wrong," she asked._

_"I'm confused," he answered truthfully. "You left a year ago with Kaname. Yet, you are here and you still look human. Have you suppressed your vampire side?"_

_"A vampire? Me?" Her eyes widened in shock and horror._

_"Why would you think that," she asked. "Although the Night Class is full of vampires, there are no other vampires at the school."_

_"No other vampires? What about me?" A bewildered look crossed her face. _

_"A vampire? You? You are a vampire hunter, a human," she answered. _

_"Look in the mirror," she instructed._

_Following her directions, he looked into the mirror that covered the wall before them. He showed no signs of being anything beyond human. Even his tattoo, a spell that was supposed to have prevented him from becoming a vampire, was gone. His lavender eyes widened and then narrowed. _

_"What year are we," he asked._

_"Second years. I'm about sixteen and you turned seventeen today." She laughed. "Are we playing some sort of game?" She walked towards him._

_"I have a very special gift for you," she whispered. "Could you close your eyes ?" _

_Once again he followed her instructions and closed her eyes. It was then that she kissed him._

_He had never known such happiness. It felt as if all was well in the world; it felt as if nothing else mattered except for, of course, the petite teen in front of him._

He awoke in a cold sweat. In the year since she had left, the dreams had tortured him almost nightly. His heart had not learned the lesson his head knew well, that she was gone. The Yuki he had known was a lie; she did not exist. The memories of what could of been kept haunting him.

He knew that even if she had been human, a relationship would have been impossible because he was a vampire. She was too precious to him to risk hurting her in that way. As a vampire, she had proven herself to be the opposite of what she had been as a human, with the exception of one detail, she was in love with Kaname Kuran. Even if she had been a human, she would not have chosen him.

Little did he know that, less than one hundred miles away, Yuki had recently awoken in a cold sweat from the same dream.


	2. Yuki

Yuki

The dream she had awoken from still haunted her. She was drenched in a cold sweat. In this dream she had been human; in this dream she had been with Zero. How could she have had such a dream?

_She could not believe her eyes. Before her was the friend she had lived with and cared for four years. He was more than the Zero she had known, he looked truly happy. _

_"Zero," she had said, her voice full of longing. He walked towards her, unaware of his surroundings. Her desire for him were more intense than she had ever known. However she was very confused. What had caused him to change his feelings towards her?_

_Although the Zero she had known had supposedly cared about her deeply, he had rejected her true self when she was revealed to be a vampire. The pain of that rejection still hurt her a year later. It hurt to know that her best friend hated her and wanted her dead._

_"Yuki," he called, unable to hide his emotions. His walk became a run. He was running towards her, Yuki. She was unable to believe that he was running towards her._

_Ignoring the her own shock, she looked at him once more. There was a hint of confusion in his lavender eyes._

_"Zero, what's wrong," she asked. Her own confusion was building._

_"I'm confused," he answered truthfully. "You left a year ago with Kaname. Yet, you are here and you still look human. Have you suppressed your vampire side?" She was in a state of confusion. _

_"A vampire? Me?" Her eyes widened as her confusion grew. The reason why she was saying them escaped them._

_"Why would you think that," she asked. "Although the Night Class is full of vampires, there are no other vampires at the school." Her dream was confusing her; he was a former human vampire, a level D one._

_"No other vampires? What about me?" A bewildered look crossed her face. It was then she noticed his tattoo was gone. What had happened that he had not gotten it? Was he still human?_

_"A vampire? You? You are a vampire hunter, a human," she answered. Was she dreaming? It seemed so real to her._

_"Look in the mirror," she instructed._

_Following her directions, he looked into the mirror that covered the wall before them. He then noticed that his tatto was gone._

_"What year are we," he asked._

_"Second years. I'm about sixteen and you turned seventeen today." She laughed. "Are we playing some sort of game?" She walked towards him._

_"I have a very special gift for you," she whispered. "Could you close your eyes ?" _

_Once again he followed her instructions and closed her eyes. It was then that she kissed him._

_She was surprised that she felt such happiness. It felt as if all was well in the world; it felt as if nothing else mattered except for, of course, the tall pale teen in front of her._

It was then she had awoken in a cold sweat and very confused. Why had she dreamt of Zero when she loved Kaname more than life itself?

She loved Kaname. Even in her "human" form, she had wanted to be with him more than anything else. For the price of that humanity, she had gained the lover of her dreams. However there had been an additional cost that had affected her more in the past year than she ever could have imagined, she had lost Zero, her best friend and fellow guardian.

Despite the initial shock, the revelation that he was no longer human had brought them closer. It was as if the first time he had drank her blood, the distance between them had disappeared completely. Although those times were among the most stressful of her human life, they had also been the most memorable.

In the four years they had lived together, he had become her closest friend, her best friend. Even Yori had recognized that he was her closest friend. During their year at Cross Academy, she could not imagine being at the school without him. He had become that precious to her. She had been willing to trade her humanity to save his own. She loved Zero

In fact towards the end of that time, many students in the Day Class were beginning to speculate that they were becoming more than just friends. Some members of their class were even starting a pool on how long it would take for Kiryu and Cross to become the "it" couple of Cross Academy.

Despite herself, Yuki laughed at that sentiment. The idea of her dating him of all people seemed ridiculous. He wanted her dead. Yet at the same time, he had wanted her. A year ago, even she was convinced that he was falling for her. The only problem was a part of her had been falling for him as well.

If Kaname had not been in the picture, she knew that Zero would have still had a hard time making his move. As both a hunter and a vampire himself, he knew the risks of such a relationship. Vampires and humans did not form relationships easily. Literature's Romeo and Juliet had better odds of their relationship ending happily.

She sighed. Kaname, she loved completely, yet there was also a portion of her heart that belonged to him. Her kind heart could not forget him and neither could she. He had a place in her heart that could not be denied.


	3. Zero's Dreams

Zero

As the weeks went on, the dreams still haunted him. If anything, they had worsened since that first dream months ago. They had even invaded his waking hours in the form of flashbacks and daydreams. Each time he found himself lost in dreams of what could have been, what should have been, had the circumstances been a little different. He could not forget her, as much as even her memory was paining him.

The memories had been infiltrating his dreams as well, particularly moments such as when she defended him when his sensei tried to kill him, the first time she had allowed him to drink her blood, the time he had nearly kissed her in his room and many other memories were replaying in his mind. His photographic memory was making it impossible for him to forget her.

_Less than two years ago, they had gone into the town together to do errands for the Headmaster. This was not an unusual task for the two guardians; they were allowed to leave the campus of Cross Academy as they pleased. Zero rarely left because he preferred to escape to his room when he was off-duty. Yuki left occasionally with Yori, but never by herself. Her early memories of being nearly attacked by a vampire had left emotional scars that made it hard for her to leave the safety of the school by herself. As usual, she had taken him to her favorite cafe without even asking him what he wanted. Her excuse had been the same she always used when he raised the familiar complaint of wanting to go somewhere else._

_"Well, I love the parfait here," she has said with a nervous smile on her face. Despite his hatred of that place, he would have gone there a million more times just to see that smile. Even then his dormant feelings for her had been rising to the surface more than usual. He had assumed that it was because their secret, that he was drinking her blood, was bringing them closer together than they had been. _

He sighed. Memories such as those kept haunting him, every single day since the first dream had caused him to awaken in a cold sweat. Every time he closed his lavender eyes, he saw her brown ones. Every time he daydreamed in class, she was in those dreams. Every time he sensed a fellow vampire nearby, he half-hoped it was her. It was torturing him. He closed his eyes in an attempt to fall asleep.

_He was on the floor of the headmaster's bathroom, wearing only his pants and a towel around his torso. His vampire side was getting stronger by the day and he could no longer suppress it fully. He was coming what he hated most, a beast with an intelligence, abilities and beauty that surpassed those of humans, but at the cost of a constant thirst for blood and a savage side. The spell that was his tattoo had failed._

_Into the bathroom she came, wearing only her uniform skirt and an undershirt. Even like this, she looked beautiful to him. Of course, she noticed him on the floor. She began talking to him and trying to get him to finish dressing._

_Then, from her pocket she produced a handmade chocolate. She said it was the only one she had managed to make. She gave it to him. Its taste was sweet. Although he ordinarily did not like sweet things, she had used dark chocolate which had a slight bitterness. He wanted to tell her how well she had done, but something stopped him. It was that he could not even bring himself to hint to her about his feelings. He was a vampire and she was a human. There were lines that could not be crossed._

He opened his eyes to see the bright sunlight of morning. He wondered when the dreams would end and he could move-on. This torture, these dreams were causing him a pain deeper than even his slow transformation from human to vampire. He sighed knowing today would be another day where he would be reminded of how much things had changed, how although he had never been able to bring himself to admit it then, he had loved her. How he wished he could change the past, so that he could not have lost her. Yuki, the only one he had loved and the only one he ever would love.

He knew that his love had been one-sided. Even as a "human" she had been in love with Kaname Kuran. His mother had told him that if he truly loved someone he should let them go and if they loved him, they would come back to him. A year later her absence made her feelings obvious. She did not love him in the way that he had loved her.

He wondered if she ever thought about him. Although he knew he had stood no chance with her in a romantic context, they had been the best of friends. She had loved him in that sense; he knew that for a fact. That single fact provided some proof that his feelings were not simply the result of his teenage hormones.

_He had been so ashamed the first time he had given-in to his vampire side. He was weak and had given-in. The Bloody Rose was in his hands and he was considering using it. Hurting Yuki in such a way had hurt him in ways he could never expect. He could not allow himself to do it again._

_The pureblood was also upset. Her love for him was mutual; he cared about her in a way Zero had never expected. Why did a pureblood vampire love a human in such a way? The answer, he did not want to know. His hands moved towards the trigger, just as she burst into his room and stopped him._

He wished for the day when these memories would no longer haunt his dreams. Little did he know the subject of his dreams was making the same wish about him.


	4. Yuki's Nightmares

She now knew the true meaning of torture; she endured it nightly in the form of dreams. Nightly she was haunted by memories, dreams, thoughts of her former best friend, Zero. Every time her eyes closed, she saw his lavender ones. His voice whispered in the silence of the night. It pained her greatly and confused her.

She loved Kaname with all her heart or so she had thought. Yet there was a nagging feeling that something was missing when they were alone together, a thirst that his blood could not satisfy no matter how much of it she drank, and a pain that even the sweetest of his kisses could not numb. A piece of her still belonged to Zero.

That was why she dreamt of him nightly. Since that first dream, many others had followed each and every time she fell asleep and caused her to awake drenched in cold sweat. The blissful dreams of earlier days were a memory of the past. Memories in particular kept replaying in her mind.

_Once during their first year at Cross Academy, their last year living together, they had gone into the town together to do errands for the Headmaster. This was not unusual as their duties as prefects and guardians often caused them to go into the town to pick-up or deliver items in the town. As usual, she had taken him to her favorite cafe without even asking him after they completed their tasks. As usual, he had complained. _

_"I love the parfait here," she said in an attempt to justify her choice. Despite his hatred of that place, she took him there every single time they went into the town together. She knew that if he really did not want to be there, he would not have gone in with her. It seemed like any other time they had gone, except it was right after she had found out his secret and began letting him drink her blood to save his sanity._

She sighed. Memories such as those kept haunting her, every single day since the first dream had caused her to awaken in a cold sweat. Was this the curse of being a being that lived so long? That she could never forget her past? That she could never learn to let it go? Would she still have these scars in a thousand years?

_She was in the bathroom, taking a bath and pondering why she could not remember anything of her past. Something told her that she needed to remember it because it would help her to unlock all the mysteries that surrounded her. Perhaps some memory could even help her to save Zero._

_As she struggled to remember it became harder to maintain consciousness. This was what happened every single time she attempted to remember her past. Why did it happen? She knew what would happen once her strength began to fade..._

_It was then she lost control and began to hallucinate. The water looked like blood; she screamed. Zero then said "Yuki, are you okay?" Suddenly everything seemed peaceful and safe. No matter what happened he would be there to protect her. _

She opened her eyes to see the pale light of twilight. She wondered when the dreams would end if they ever did. She listened to the steady breathing of her lover beside her. There was something about that sound that she found calming when she woke from her nightmares. She felt safe next to him.

Even as a "human" she had been in love with Kaname Kuran. Her mother had been unable to seal away her love for him completely because of its incredible strength. She loved him more than anything in this world; she would willingly lay down her life for his if she ever had to make that choice. As her mother had been to her father, she would be to Kaname. Yet in the decade she had spent "asleep", she had started to love another, Zero.

There had also been times when she was sure that his feelings for her were the same. When he protected her from the Level E vampire that time in the town, when he stayed up outside her room all night once when she had been ill, when he nearly kissed her in his room and when he had told her that she had been his reason for living despite no longer being human. If things had gone a little differently, they could have become as close as she had become with Kaname during the past year. However, that path was no longer an option.

Although he was a vampire himself, a Level D, a former human, he could not accept her for what she truly was, a pureblood and a Kuran. He did not truly love her back if he could accept her. How could he when he blamed vampires for the loss of his family and his humanity?

_He had been so ashamed the first time he had given-in to his vampire side as vampires where the only thing in this world that he hated so much. He hated vampires and hated himself more for what he had nearly done to her. She knew that. However that did not prepare her for the sight she saw when she entered his room in the Sun Dormitory. The Bloody Rose was in his hands and he was considering using it. Although he had hurt her that night, she had forgiven him. The only thing she could do was react instinctively. She jumped on him and attempted to wrestle the weapon from him. He flipped her easily, but her goal was successful; he did not kill himself. For that she was grateful. _

She wondered if she would ever be okay. The Zero she had loved did not exist anymore. His hatred, prejudice and anger had corrupted the once sweet boy she had known. In their last meeting, he stated his intention to kill her at their next meeting. That day she hoped would never come because she would not not be able to protect herself if it meant harming him. She had already caused enough harm to the both of them.


	5. Their Goodbye

A/N: This last chapter is dedicated to the readers of this story. I'd also like to thank my reviewers for their feedback.

_They were walking on a path in a park full of sakura in full bloom, holding hands. It was twilight, the sky getting darker by the second. It was similar to his first spring with her, when the Chairmen had taken them to see the sakura in bloom. Except that instead of being children as they were then, she looked like she was about eighteen and he guessed that meant his own age was about nineteen. That was not the only difference._

_She looked like a slightly older version of the Yuki he had known, how she would have looked if she had been human. Her brown hair was the slightest bit longer, her brown eyes bright, her skin fair with a rosy tint. Looking at his own reflection in the pond, he saw that he too looked human._

_"Zero, are you okay," she asked, her concern obvious. Since when did she care about him so much? She was the vampire, the beast, that had left him angry, upset, and, although he would admit it to no one, heartbroken well over a year ago. Clearly this was a dream. _

_"I thought this would be a really special outing for our first anniversary," she added, showing him the ring on her left hand. __It was a simple band of white gold. It held no embelishments or gems. There was only a single phrase engraved on it. "Your love was my savior." He felt a lump in his throat. That was the epitome of how he had felt about her until recently. He had even dreamt before of such a future with her before he had succumbed to the transformation he had been attempting to prevent for four years. He decided to give her the answer that would calm her most._

_"I'm fine," he told her. He pulled her into an embrace and kissed her. The twilight faded into a dark moonless night. At once things began to change. Her hair grew longer, her eyes became red, and her skin lost its rosy quality. The Yuki before him was a vampire._

_He knew what he had said he would do the next time he saw her. Instead of taking out the hunter's gun, the Bloody Rose, that was in his pocket, he whispered the words he needed to tell her._

_"Goodbye Yuki, I've always loved you." Around him the breeze blew the stray petals of fallen flowers, appearing as if it was snowing. He heard her reply._

_"Goodbye, Zero. I love you too."_

For the first time he awoke from the dream without being drenched in a cold sweat, yet he still felt the familiar sense of loss he had come to associate with these dreams. However this was the first since he had seen her at that party he had supervised as a hunter. It had been painful to see her there, as a vampire and with Kaname, but at the same time, he felt relieved.

She was well; she was happy. He wished no friend less than that. The year that had passed had allowed him to gain some perspective and to heal a bit. One day he would fulfill his promise to her, but, for now, he could not bring himself to kill her. He sighed. Perhaps what he needed was some form of closure.

"Yuki," he whispered. He then pulled his blanket over himself and went back to sleep.

_______________________________________________________________________

_"Goodbye Yuki, I've always loved you." Around her the breeze blew the stray petals of fallen flowers, appearing as if it was snowing._

_"Goodbye, Zero. I love you too."_

She awoke from yet another dream. Yet somehow this one had been different. It was bittersweet as so many others had been, but not as painful as those that had preceeded it. Maybe it was because she had seen him recently. She turned once again to see her lover Kaname, still asleep beside her, looking more peaceful than he ever appeared when he was awake. Had it been his knowledge of how much she missed her former best friend that caused him to bring them together?

It had been at a party thrown by Kaname and supervised by Zero and another hunter that she had seen him. The year that had passed seemed to have brought out a maturity she had not seen in the Zero she had known. He had aged the slightest bit, not nearly as much as a human would have and not enough for humans to notice the difference. His lifespan would be that of a vampire.

While he did not look exactly "happy", he seemed content. The drama of a year ago seemed like a distant memory haunting his eyes, yet he did not seem like he was upset nor angry as he had been then. He was moving-on. She knew she needed to do the same. Yet there was one thing she whispered to the darkness that no one heard.

"I miss you, Zero."


End file.
